Four Deaths and A Rebirth Of Jayne Cobb
by Hellen Lou
Summary: something keeps dying inside of Jayne Cobb and it will take a crazy gorram girl and a little boy called HJ to fix it.


**Four deaths and a rebirth of Jayne Cobb**

Something inside of Jayne keeps dying and it seems only a crazy girl and a little boy called HJ can help fix him.

* * *

The first time he died well to be truthful Jayne Cobb neared died a hundred times before hand… had done a couple of them times too.

No the first time Jayne Cobb died on the inside was when the innocent young Jayne Cobb died… after killing his first target. Never killed a man before and if'n the smell of blood and death didn't have him heaving his guts up he would have been proud.

But something died… knowing you could just up and kill a man didn't sit right with the innocent so that young innocent Jayne Cobb died.

The Merc took his place. And he mourned the death a little while.

* * *

The second time he died… well there just weren't no sense to it. Jayne Cobb hired muscle looked out for no one but himself, that's how he ended up on the damn boat under the damn command of Mal, a man likely to get himself shot, married or just plain nakkied. The second time he died was after he turned in the gorram crazy girl and her brother in to the alliance, the guilt of handing them over ate away at his inners something good. Nothing felt right up ta point of being caught him self.

They had survived but something in the look that gorram crazy had given him made his stomach churn so rutting much that he knew something was gonna break. So when the damn cap'n locked him in the hatch that was the second time Jayne Cobb died. The guilt killed him and once back inside he couldn't help but bein' nice an' all to the damn girl and her brother. He 'ad grown to tolerate them.

That was damn second time Jayne Cobb had gone and died. The merc and selfish motherless son of a goat had died. Replaced with a crew mate, someone who cared for others then himself.

The merc gone and the crew mate in his place… well he didn't mourn that much.

* * *

The third time Jayne Cobb died he was about ready to let the black take him. The Reavers 'ad gorram shot him up and he was just about to give up when that damn blast door opened and that gorram girl stood there. She 'ad done killed them all. Jayne had offered her a new 'ppreciation after that but that wasn't what killed him.

Jayne Cobb should never have to bury two of the nicest people in the gorram 'Verse. He done gone died twice before he shouldn't have to bury them… they should bury him.

Glancing at Zoë Jayne couldn't help but feel Jayne Cobb the crew mate slipping into the darkness, watching her run her hand over her stomach. Ain't right for no kid to be growing up without a father.

That was the third and most painful death of Jayne Cobb. The crew mate dead and an emotionless cold hearted man put in its place. Jayne Cobb didn't mourn that death… couldn't mourn nufing no more.

The crew mate died with Wash and Sheppard.

* * *

The fourth death of Jayne Cobb took five years, it was a slow death but didn't hurt him none cause the emotionless and cold hearted Jayne Cobb didn't feel nufing for no one anymore… least of all himself.

The crew took to keeping away from him after the second year, he wouldn't hurt any of them or such but he wouldn't care about them either. He wanted to kill that Jayne for a moment when everyone heard the first cries of a baby over five years ago.

The emotionless and cold hearted was still adjusting when a flare of it's past lives shot through him and went to see the new generation of Washburn's but the memory of what was lost stilled him and he remained in his bunk. Ain't no point in seeing something when he knew it would be taken some day.

Hoban Junior was alike to his father, it scared Jayne at first but then his new emotionless state got rid of that and he didn't care… didn't care when the damn kid learnt to crawl or walk or talk or play a game with the damn pilot, he couldn't even bring himself to call her the crazy girl no more. Didn't see the point.

None of the crew talked to him much just told him the job that needed doing and he did it. River never gave up though… five years and she was still trying to break this new Jayne down but he didn't give in to her any.

That was until that day… the day Jayne Cobb died for what would be the last time. He was sharpenin' his knifes on dirt. It had been the first time in months since they touched down on dirt without no job lined up so Jayne did what he did best and sat by himself.

The crew were busying themselves apart from two… he heard River and HJ behind him but took no mind to them, he hadn't in the past five years so he weren't about to start.

Then the little boy raced out of Serenity calling "Uncle Jayne" as he did but Jayne only gave him a flickering of his eyes before looking back to his knives. He didn't look up till he heard it… a thud then a startled cry. Jayne looked up out of habit and saw HJ was huddled 'sides a large rock holding his tiny knees to his chest, Jayne waited for River to rush pass him to aid the young child. But Jayne waited and waited but no one came to child and HJ's sobs continued. Jayne threw his knife down and stalked towards the child towering over him after a few steps.

HJ flickered his dark eyes to the man towering over him but showed no fear "what cryin' bout boy" Jayne demanded but the boy shook his head and buried his face into his knees. Jayne clenched his jaw and bent beside the child not wondering for the first time how this darn kid look so much like his pa.

"ain't no reason for ya crying boy… ya'll be having ya ma and damn rest of the crew charging out 'ere just wondering what blue murder you've gone and gotten ya' self in to" Jayne ordered stiffly. He hadn't spoken more then a handful of words to the kid since he was born.

"I wanted to soar" the kid blurted out causing Jayne to stiffen… _watch how I soar_.

"I wanted to be like dad… I want to soar like 'im… but I fell, just like ma says dad fell" HJ declared causing Jayne to stare at him. That was the fourth time Jayne Cobb died and he wanted to cry till it stopped hurting.

"Nah, you dad didn't fall none boy… your dad soared, soared so gorram high that not even the 'Verse could hold 'im back none" Jayne offered mourning slightly the emotionless Jayne Cobb wondering just what was going to take over. HJ rubbed his eyes and sniffled back the tears.

"will I soar like dad, Uncle Jayne" HJ was never 'fraid of uncle Jayne… cause River always told the young boy that one day Uncle Jayne would see the light, would break away from what was holding him back and become something new.

For the first time in five years Jayne smiled… at the boy, for himself and everything else he could smile at "ya know what kid I think you just might… not as high as your daddy has gone but ya'll soar" Jayne offered as the kid smile and brightened.

"Will I see him" HJ asked before Jayne sat beside the boy and nodded "dare say ya will… not for a long time mind ya but ya will see him" Jayne offered. Causing the boy to grin brightly and the tears to vanish.

Jayne Cobb the emotionless and cold hearted man died the day but wasn't replace by something new, instead he was reborn as the innocent young man, the merc and the crew mate.

"no more mourning… all but one are dead now so boy with a girls name doesn't need to more then" River declared in her sign song voice before sitting beside him. Jayne stared at her and saw her for the first time in five years.

"Boy wasn't broken, just buried… like he wanted to be when two nice people were. Boy had to dig himself out to be whole again…not just one but all three" River declared before she placed a hand to his forehead.

"Needed to be whole here" then she moved her hand to his chest to where his heart was "and here… just couldn't see… just couldn't feel. But gorram crazy pilot girl saw… she felt it and she promised HJ that he would have his Uncle Jayne" River told him before moving her hand back never looking away from Jayne just like the rest of the crew of serenity who watched from the ramp.

Jayne Cobb had died four different deaths all alone…but had been reborn whole with the help of a crazy pilot girl and a little boy called HJ.

And he was finally happy and whole.

* * *

just fluff i came up with... first Firefly fic ever... i'm so scared i screwed it up. please send reviews so i know wither or not to look out for the pitch forks. sorry for grammar or anything else i mucked up on... ain't got no beta reader. 


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